WHEN WE WERE ULTRA: BUT I WANNA DO COSMICALLY POWERED ALIEN BARBARIAN VAMPIRES WITH CANCER! (RUNE V. 1, THE CURSE OF RUNE, RUNE/SILVER SURFER)

I really, really wanted to like Rune.

I did.  I know that Barry Windsor-Smith can be off-putting to some, but I love his unique pencil style.  The fact that Rune was supposed to be focusing on the Ultraverse's major villain was novel.

But it pains me to say this--what resulted from Windsor-Smith taking a liking to a proposal by Chris Ulm is just, well, impenetrable.  What's worst, it has so little to do with the Ultraverse that it rightfully should have been put under the banner of Bravura, the Malibu Comics imprint for creator-owned properties.

Rune is an ancient...alien?...barbarian who was exiled to Earth by Argus, one of the deities we learn a lot about in the Godwheel event.  While hanging out here, he ends up being vampirized and becomes worshipped as a god by a tribe in Africa.  A war with another tribe causes Rune's girlfriend to be murdered, resulting in him stalking the Earth and getting cancer from a nuclear bomb blast.  Meanwhile, a military man during the Vietnam war discovers an alien artifact and creates an AI called Genie that leads to the foundation of Aladdin and the creation of two boys infused with alien tech that, when joined, become a ultra-powered cosmic being named Gemini.  Meanwhile a fat guy cosplaying as John Constantine with a pet rat called Janus looks for Gemini so he can find Rune and...

sigh

Did everybody get that?

Believe it or not, there's loads more exposition, and even after absorbing it all I still don't understand what Windsor Smith and Ulm is actually talking about.  I will begrudingly admit that the storyline gains a little bit more clarity in the last issue of Volume 1--the first issue where Ulm flies solo and Windsor Smith isn't doing pencils--but at that point Marvel has taken over the reins and things go back to confusing.  The last issue leads us into Godwheel, which then leads us into Rune/Silver Surfer, yet another flipbook with the same story being recounted by the POV of the two different characters.  In that issue, Rune shows up on Marvel Earth just long enough to grab all the Infinity Gems and stop time only for the Silver Surfer to show up and punch him back to the Ultraverse...

...which leads right into the four part Curse of Rune, where Gemini and Janus look for Rune, and Shuriken (remember her from All-New Exiles?  This is her debut) shows up looking to capture Gemini and kill Rune, and Rune shows up and bites Gemini, who is now part vampire, and....

As all knotted up as the storyline is, I would have forgiven it if the characters were, well, interesting, and these characters aren't.  After showing some charisma in the prologue that ran through all the Ultraverse titles (and reprinted as a promotional giveaway in an issue of Spin), Rune spends almost all of his time thumping his chest and giving himself really Edgelord-y nicknames like 'The Dark God' and 'Prince of The Void.'  The only way I can tell the difference between the two kids who make up Gemini is because one of them is always whining about his girlfriend.  And Janus...oh, god, Janus.  There's a constant sense that Janus will be Really Important, and that there's a reason he's hunting Rune and that he's older and more powerful than his 'scraggly homeless man' vibe indicates...but nothing connected to him ever develops.  At one point, this is a character who is decapitated and his head put on a pike that still talks and I felt nothing.  I wasn't impressed, I wasn't sickened, I wasn't disgusted or disgruntled...not. A. Thing.

This series just made my head hurt.  And throughout it all, I never got a sense it actually belonged in the Ultraverse.  Outside of the issue where Mantra and Prime show up for a couple of pages and the Aladdin name, it felt like it was happening in its own continuity.  I wonder if I would find this more palatable if this was a stand-alone series (and let's be obvious, Bravura was right there).  But since Rune was a much-touted Ultraverse title set in the Ultraverse, I have to evaluate it in the context of the imprint.  And as part of the imprint, the story fails. I think Malibu knew it also judging by the way there was a sudden, sharp pivot to defining Lord Pumpkin and Necromantra as the major bads of the continuity.

At least the art, more often than not, is spectacular.  In addition to Windsor Smith the majority of the first volume, we get lovely John  Buscema pencils on the Silver Surfer half of Rune/Silver Surfer and Kyle Hotz doing exceptionally weird art for Curse of Rune #1-3.  If you're going to need someone to follow Barry Windsor Smith's very mannered and atmospheric art, Kyle Hotz is probably the best choice you can make.

The pre-reboot run on Rune was the most difficult run I've had to get through save for The Phoenix Resurrection and maybe All-New Exiles.  After all of this, I still feel like there's still world building that needs to be divulged so I can better understand what the Hell is going on.  I do want to love this given the creatives involved, but I cannot in no way recommend it.

But we're not done with our...favorite?...cosmic barbarian vampire.  Black September is just around the corner, and you know what that means!  It's time to look at Rune V.2, as well as Rune vs. Venom, Rune: Heart of Darkness, and the crossover that spans Marvel's Conan #4 and Conan The Savage #4, as well as Rune Vs. Conan!  Can this series right itself in the brief reboot phase?

Until then....why be meta when you can be ultra?