They Don’t Make Trailers Like That Anymore: MR. SARDONICUS (1961)

Remember all that time I spent talking about Alfred Hitchcock being a brand onto himself?

Remember that time I talked about ‘The Warning Crawl’?

This article is connected to both instances...because we’re going to talk about The Man Who Wanted To Be Hitchcock, William Castle.

William Castle may not have been as good a director as Hitchcock--truth be told, his movies are mostly just okay, the stories solidly told but unmemorable as far as style is concerned--but he more than made up for it in the way he promoted his films.  Castle would appear in the trailers (and, in cases like this, the actual films!) hawking his latest offering and the gimmick that he inevitably would come up with.  Castle understood the idea of movie-going as an experience, and through his marketing encouraged us to collaborate with each other in making this night out in the theater particularly memorable.

The gimmick for Mr. Sardonicus is ‘The Punishment Poll,’ and Castle spends the first minute...well, giving us a history of mob rule and another half minute doing a mild carney-crawl about Sardonicus’ face.  That thirty seconds of him explaining why you’re not going to see our titular character’s face is pure ‘Warning Crawl,’ and true to his nature, Castle is good on his promise--there are two shots where Guy Rolfe’s Sardonicus’ face is clearly seen (one where, if you know the movie, you know he’s wearing the emotionless mask he wears for the bulk of the film), and that face is obviously, almost clumsily, smudged out! The second of these shots, where the only thing left unobscured is Rolfe’s soulful eyes staring off to the side, actually seems more horrifying than the actual shot is!

Then we’re back to Castle, who proceeds to emphasize the Punishment Poll by displaying the glow-in-the-dark placard with the drawing of a fist with its thumb extended and promising that some of us will show mercy despite what a horrific douchenozzle Sardonicus is, but the power is In Your Hands.  The final shot is of the placard itself with the admonishment that we’ll ‘See You At The Punishment Poll!’ 

Notice how roughly a third of this trailer is all about the gimmick--there’s only a minute of actual footage from the film, and some of that is just going through the cast list!  Castle utilizes the novelty of the Poll to spearhead his pitch, which disguises the fact that he tells us very little about the film itself.  This is the epitome of how a trailer should work.  It intrigues you so much and yet does the barest minimum of telling you what the actual story is all about.  Granted, part of this is achievable only because of Castle’s affable, laid back persona...but it works to get you wanting to see the movie just to participate in this cool gimmick.

‘The Punishment Poll’ was the last of Castle’gimmicks.  Castle was so secure in his knowledge of human nature that he never shot the ‘mercy’ ending.  It still didn’t stop Castle from promoting an urban legend in his autobiography about it existing...

I’m going to revisit the world of William Castle in the future, even presenting some of his trailer from late in his career.  Like his inspiration Alfred Hitchcock, he knew how to sell a movie.

Trailer Courtesy of annubis44.

They Don’t Make Trailers Like That Anymore: SORCERER (1977)

Today marks the 83rd birthday of one of the true titans of filmmaking, William Freidkin.  I am not a fan of all his output--there’s some truly wretched stuff buried in there, including his most recent ‘documentary,’ but that’s a story for another day--but when he was in his groove, there was no one better working the silver screen.  He made a police procedural that redefined that genre in The French Connection, a horror film that still creeps me out in The Exorcist...and an adventure film that’s fairly unique in Sorcerer.

The trailer below starts with an attempt to make Freidkin into a brand.  This was done a lot in the 70‘s, as the Last Great Decade of American Film breathed its last.  A half minute is spent building him up, citing his previous two films over a plain background while informing us of all the work he put in to make this latest film.  We get a title card...

And then faces.  Lots of faces.  There isn’t really anything that counts as action for forty-five seconds.  Whoever was editing this trailer (it wouldn’t surprise me if it was the director himself) seemed to want to emphasize that this is, at its core, a movie about characters before assuring us there’s plenty of action, too.  Three of the four main characters were played by international actors who didn’t have a reputation in America, so this was the first time many people were seeing these faces..in fact, the first time we see the recognizable face of Roy Schieder almost a minute and a half has passed.  There’s a bit of narration over a couple of shots that kind of tell us what the plot is in the most general of senses before return to the quick cuts (for the time) of violence and action before we’re back to that plain background and some credits.  It’s a classic case of a trailer showing us a lot without letting us know anything about the film--but it also serves the purpose of introducing and familiarizing us with three actors who were new to us, which is pretty good.

Universal was high on this film, and with good reason--it was directed by one of the hottest auteurs at the time and featured one of the stars of last year’s blockbuster, Jaws...but a few weeks before it was released, a movie that no one really thought of as hit material called Star Wars came out .  The little science fiction adventure by George Lucas was dominating the box office by the time Sorcerer came out, and it bombed theatrically.  I can’t help thinking that this was emblematic of the handover of film culture from one that was director and story-driven to the one that was event-driven...which brought us to where we are now.

And as a bonus, here’s a film clip from an interview of Freidkin conducted by noted self-important asshat Nicholas Winding Refn, where Friedkin gives him what for and discusses the making of the movie.

Trailer courtesy of Jonno 77.

Raiders of The Lost Record Crate: DON’T NOBODY MOVE (THIS IS A HEIST) by Tony Powers (1981)

I wuz underneath my dresser just in case of sneak attack
When this television quiz show called to ask where I wuz at
I said "I'm underneath My dresser --An' they're poundin' on my door"
The audience went wild 'N the emcee said "Would you like to try for more?"

While many American artists were disdainful of the idea of making film clips to promote their songs, there were some who were ahead of the curve.  One of these was Bronx native Tony Powers (born Henry Stanley Purvis), who had an impressive  resume as a songwriter--some of his work was performed by Darlene Love, The Earls, Spanky and Our Gang and Kiss--before deciding in his 40‘s that writing solely for commercial purposes wasn’t for him.

In 1981, Powers came up with the idea for what he called ‘MusicFilms,’ and produced three videos set to his own music.  The first of these was ‘Don’t Nobody Move (This Is A Heist), a comedic, somewhat nonsensical patter-song done by Powers in and around a Times Square that no longer exists and featuring a number of Powers’ actor friends.  Yes, that’s John Goodman’s butt Powers is speaking into, and that’s Treat Williams being ambushed in the shower.  The video ended up winning a couple of awards at film festivals and was shown repeatedly on HBO and USA’s Night Flight before MTV got off the ground.

Unlike the other videos I’ve presented here, I didn’t see this until years later.  It was one of the bare handful of videos that New Jersey based UHF upstart U68 had when it began operation in 1985 under the stewardship of Steve Leeds.  For the first couple of weeks, Power’s three videos were on heavy rotation along with those from obscure bands like Gowan and The Nails (who I will get to soon) in three hour chunks until Leeds got the rights to more current, popular stuff.  I was fascinated by this guy who looked like Leonard Cohen and talked like a cartoon gangster about a surreal version of the New York of The Time.  A few months later I was able to track down the EP containing the three ’MusicFilm’ tracks at a second hand record store on St. Marks Street.  Even without the primitive visuals, it was a weird listen....

But not as weird as the ‘Video Album’ I found on the shelves of a video store on Broadway in Times Square that was closing down.  Apparently, Sony had done a number of these things in the years after MTV hit it big.  You may be familiar with the biggest hit of these Video Albums--‘Mickey,’ performed by long-time choreographer Toni Basil, actually was a video only until its popularity on MTV prompted Sony to produce it as an actual audio album.  Unfortunately, while people embraced music video they didn’t embrace the idea of paying the pretty penny Sony was asking for 23 minutes of songs (I recall the retail price in the 80‘s being something in the realm of twenty-five dollars)...so the concept of the ‘Video Album’ was short lived.  I picked up this copy for about five dollars and held onto it for years.

The EP got sold off during one of my bouts of poverty, and the Video Album was lost in one of my moves some years ago.  But this song, and the accompanying visuals, are kind of burned into the back of my head.  Powers re-recorded the song in 2007, but the tempo is speeded up a bit and it doesn’t do it for me quite as much as this peculiar, primitive artifact does.

The video below is Powers’ approved version, and was posted by him.

Meanwhile, Over At Dread Media....#574

It’s time to pay tribute to those great titans of action who are still taking butts and kicking names at the time most of us are joining AARP.  Des and I celebrate the still-awesomeness of Dolph Lundgren as the world’s most dashing chemical engineer hunts down a body-hopping demon in a small town in Mike Mendez’ 2016 thriller Don't Kill It.  The trailer actually gets the tone of this horror film right--it’s serious, but with tongue firmly in cheek.

Then Des has a Special Top Five on aging action stars.  To act as a companion, here’s a clip of Dolph being interviewed about his peers.

Finally, there’s a tribute to Jill Janus of Huntress, one of Des’ favorite metal vocalist, who took her life recently.  Here’s the video to ‘Sorrow,’ directed by Phil Mucci and drenched in Hammer Horror attitude....

Listen to Dread Media #574 here 

Time To Learn You Some!: SWAMP THING PSA (1989)

Being a Silver Fox (Shut up! I know I’m gracefully leaving middle age; let me have my delusion) who grew up in a major city with three independent television station and an uncommonly healthy UHF culture, I’ve been exposed to some weird televisual stuff.  The weirdest of this stuff usually came from the realm of children’s television.  Since it was decreed from the 70‘s that Children’s Television had to have Educational Content, all the Saturday morning (and weekend afternoons in the case of WNEW, WWOR and WPIX) programming assailed us with strange little PSAs and similar artifacts that were designed to Learn You Some.  These PSAs, usually filmed on a...ahem...tenuous budget, then faded into the aether until YouTube brought them roaring back into our memories. 

Inspired by my meeting-through-twitter one Daniel Emery Taylor, let me share with you an example.  This anit-littering PSA was unleashed onto our cathode-tube-y screens in 1989 to tie in with the release of The Return of Swamp Thing...

...yes, there was a time when Jim Wynorski films were released to actual theaters, which you’ll learn as you continue to hang out at the Domicile...and The Return of Swamp Thing is actually pretty good escapist fun if you accept it’s not Alan Moore’s Swamp Thing...

According to Taylor, who played the redheaded kid Darryl in the film and this clip, this was the first thing he shot when he arrived on set.  I have to assume that Wynorski shot these.  It shows off the upgraded Swamp Thing costume that was used both in this film and the subsequent USA Network television series.  There have been other PSAs featuring comic book characters--ask me about that Teen Titans anti-drug one sometimes--but not one as dark and obscure as Swamp Thing.  This was two years before the aborted attempt to make DC’s Earth Elemental into a Kid’s Cartoon and a short while before the cable series and, as Wes Craven’s original didn’t do so well at the box office and Wynorski’s follow-up was in limited release, it calls Greenpeace’s wisdom in using Dick Durock in a plant suit into question.

In the years following this being slipped into commercial breaks at 6a.m. on a Sunday, many people have doubted this piece of film exists.  Well, now it’s here for everyone to see.  Deal with it.

They Don’t Make Trailers Like That Anymore: THE BEGUILED (1971 and 2017)

While the purpose of my journey through the history of movie trailers is to treat them as artistic artifacts, you cannot escape the fact that these are, at their core, commercials.  They are artifacts designed to entice you into coming to see the wares they are presenting.  And sometimes in fulfilling their function, trailers misrepresent the truth.  Sometimes they alter events to make it seem like a different kind of picture, and sometimes they outright lie.

Which brings us to The Beguilded, which is a personal favorite film of mine starring Clint Eastwood.  It’s a Southern psycho-sexual gothic in which the power dynamic changes over and over again.  It’s very low on action and very high on mood, creepiness and twisted set pieces.  It’s one of the examples of the kind of filmmaking that was done before the Dawn of The Blockbuster; the only way this film could have been remade was by an independent studio with an idiosyncratic director at the helm, and yet in 1971 it was a major release.

(Warning--In discussing these trailers, spoilers can be inferred...)

To sell it, Universal gave us this trailer, which seems to mostly...try to sell us on the male fantasy of a guy alone in a house full of horny women.  After the opening scene and some clips establishing the circumstances, we’re kinda assailed for a bit with Clint admiring, being admired by, and wooing various women and girls.  The narrator really tries to sell the idea of the scenario and the implied sexy times before we get some action at the one and a half minute mark--and it’s about all the action in the film--and a hint that this is a much darker film than we’ve been sold up to this point.

It’s only fair, since I brought it up, that I present the trailer for Sofia Coppola’s remake.  Because this version was produced for an arthouse crowd, the trailer takes on a more narrative form, giving us a condensed version of the film’s first act or so. 

And then it presents us a glimpse of Coppola’s version of the ending....followed by material I suspect is from the crescendo of the 2nd Act.

...making it seem like a different sort of movie.  And that’s just not right.  While I appreciate that the tonality of the trailer makes it clear this is a dark film and not a Sexy Romp, changing around the incidents in this way to make it seem more a conventional thriller than what it really is.

In both cases, these trailers lie to get us into the theater.  As much as I love the 1971 version, I imagine there were a lot of pissed off moviegoers who walked out when they realized what a twisted, psychologically messed-up piece of work it actually was.

Trailers courtesy of Movie Classic Clips

Raiders of The Lost Record Crate: FISH HEADS by Barnes and Barnes (1980)

Roly-poly fish heads are never seen drinking cappuccino
In Italian restaurants with Oriental women

The problem MTV had in its earliest days was that it needed content.  As I mentioned last week, a lot of American bands didn’t want to make these newfangled ‘music video’ things because they felt it diluted the music.  Luckily, the tradition of making film clips tied in to new singles was common in Europe, but there were still...spaces on the nascent network’s schedule that needed to be filled.

...which meant that Bill Mumy’s novelty act ended up on the television screen in the Hunter College Student Lounge.

Formed as a joke, named after a Bill Cosby routine, and intended to be a way for Mumy and childhood friend Richard Haimer to amuse themselves, Barnes and Barnes became something of a sensation on The Dr. Demento Show in the late 70‘s.  ‘Fish Heads’ was one of two songs they submitted to the legendary musicologist’s program in 1978 and rapidly became the most requested in the show’s history.  In 1980, producer Jean Doumanian asked the duo to submit a comedy short for an episode of her singular season of Saturday Night Live.  Mumy and Haimer teamed up with filmmaker and actor Bill Paxton (who would later go on to form his own band, Martini Ranch) to adapt the song for the television show.  It was shown on one of SNL’ December episodes.

It’s not surprising that the video was picked up by MTV when the station launched eight months later.  I remember seeing this in the morning hours between classes.  I was a listener to the Dr. Demento Show, so I was familiar with the song.  At that time, I didn’t like it much--and truth be told, I still don’t like it.  But that something this primitive, this...well, transgressive...was shown in the morning hours when everyone was awake and alert is pretty amazing.  But then, simultaneously MTV had experimental music collective The Residents--known for their eyeball helmets and decidedly non-pop pop music--were on All The Time.  The presence of a former TV child star dressed in a garbage bag fondling a fish head is just indicative of the network’s initial Wild West Nature.

Meanwhile, Over At Dread Media....#573

We’re looking at recently released films in this week’s episodes.  Des and I cover the latest genre offering from Netflix, Tau, in which Maika Monroe teaches a smart house played by Gary Oldman about baroque music.

Seriously.  The trailer makes it look a lot more torture-porny than it really is (and shifts the events of the film around to make it seem like a different kind of flick), but believe me, it’s more cerebral than it looks.  We discuss where it succeeds, and where it fails.

Then Rich The Monster Movie Kid drops by to review The First Purge, the fourth entry in a horror movie franchise that is looking increasingly plausible every day.

Listen to Dread Media #573 here 

They Don’t Make Trailers Like That Anymore: PSYCHO (1960 and 1998)

One more piece tied in with Alfred Hitchcock’s birthday....

Perhaps one of the most famous trailers of all time is the six minute one that preceded the release of Psycho.  Like his later trailer for Frenzy, this is just a Hitchcock monologue as he takes us on a tour of the Bates motel and associated mansion, hinting at key plot points without actually telling us much of anything.  It’s amazing how long and leisurely this trailer is.  It’s seemingly paced in emulation of Hitchcock’s deliberate, almost plodding diction that became his signature as host of Alfred Hitchcock Presents.  And the whimsical musical cues that he uses as transitions--there’s a slight sense of mockery to it. The combination of those music cues and Hitchcock’s reactions crack me up, making me wonder if The Most Famous Director In The World was amusing himself at our expense.

Of course, the most amazing thing about this trailer is that there’s only about five seconds of the actual film.  The actors are mentioned at the very end as part of the outro crawl (unlike with the trailer for Frenzy, which keeps mum about them), but in a begrudging sort of way.  And if that isn’t enough, we get a delicious take on the old ‘no one will be admitted...’ trope that was popularized by people like William Castle--who, a great filmmaker and producer in his own right, probably went to bed every night praying he would wake up as Alfred Hitchcock.

It’s interesting to see how, almost forty years later, the conundrum of how to sell Gus Van Sant’s painstaking recreation of Hitchcock’s ground-breaking film.  With his stunt, Van Sant was trying to prove his contention that a great screenplay was like a great stage play, able to be re-interpreted as is by other filmmakers--but admittedly he probably could not have sold his version as effective as Hitchcock did his.

(Well, to be fair, no one sold this movie, period...)

Still, they tried to be as evasive in their trailer as the original’s was.  I get the sense that this is more of a studio driven than an auteur driven product.  The tropes of the late 90's film language is all over this piece of celluloid--jittery shots, erratic editing, music video-esque montage, liberal use of white noise and meta elements such as the picture decaying and skipping from frame to frame. I almost expect to hear Slipknot launch into their latest hit after the extended shot of Vince Vaughn smiling.

To be fair, there is still an attempt to withhold information from the audience.  While, unlike the original, there is about a minute from the footage of the film, that footage is not done to create a narrative.  It takes advantage of our knowledge of our original, giving us very quick cuts of images we kind of know from that text in an effort to summon up our memories of Hitchcock’s version--and more importantly, our relationship to that version.  I wonder how much more effective this trailer would be without the snatches of dialogue that are included within it; Vaughn’s lines come off as too on-the-nose, like the editor of this trailer is poking us in the ribs going, ‘Remember?  Remember?’  Still, it’s effective in its own way.

Trailers courtesy of Movie Clips Classic.

They Don’t Make Trailers Like That Anymore: THE BEAST WITHIN (1982)

Admittedly, some of the trailers I’ve been posting, I’ve posted because I like the movies.  And I will admit to having an inordinate love of the thorough goofiness of the work of Australian filmmaker Phillipe Mora (Ever wanted to see Christopher Lee sing a song about booze written by Richard O’Brien?  Or a woman give birth to a baby marsupial, which then nestles in her pouch? Or Dame Edna give an Oscar to a werewolf?  You will...).  But I’m posting this trailer for one reason: it’s a great example of something trailers don’t do anymore, the ‘Warning Crawl.’

Horror movies used to do this a lot--start their trailers off with a narrator reading off a prepared statement telling you how horrifying what you are about to see will be, and that maybe if you’re too weak-hearted/old/non-manly you shouldn’t come to the theater next week.  What followed usually didn’t matter.  The message was ‘You wanna come back, ‘cause we’ve got some Serious Hardcore Shit for you.’  This one is a little more creative than many of these Warning Crawl Trailers, with its recurring minimized picture/beating heart motif but the message the filmmakers wanted to give you has already been sent...and just to be sure, they repeat the message at the end.  It’s a highly efficient minute and a half carny speech.

Of course, if you’ve ever seen this, you know the movie kind of does make good on its threat.

Don’t worry; there’ll be more Mora in the coming weeks, and more ‘Warning Crawls.’

Trailer courtesy of Movie Clips Classic Trailers.

They Don’t Make Trailers Like That Anymore: MANHUNTER (1986)

Dino DeLaurentiis had the rights to Thomas Harris’ book Red Dragon in the 80‘s, and had approached David Lynch to direct a feature version.  Lynch was horrified by the ‘violent and completely degenerate’ novel, and turned the assignment down--the first of several ‘could have beens’ that’s pretty shocking.  Still determined to make this movie, DeLaurentiis turned to one Michael Mann, fresh off his success with Miami Vice.

...and unbeknownst to the world, a cinematic icon was birthed.

Granted, nobody points to Brian Cox as the definitive Hannibal Lecter, and there really is no reason to.  Lecter is a background character in Manhunter (renamed so that audiences wouldn’t think it was a sequel to the notorious Michael Cimino bomb The Year of The Dragon), and he justifiably is featured only in passing in this trailer.  The focus of the trailer is firmly on William Peterson’s portrayal of Will Graham; it follows him as he investigates a crime, he actually identifies himself within the trailer, and he provides the spine of the two minute pitch we’re getting.  All the other characters are incidental (I’m surprised at how little time Tom Noonan’s Dollarhyde gets, confined to quick, almost subliminal shots).  Whoever cut this trailer takes full advantage of Peterson’s sensitive, soulful face and manages to make a statement about what the film is solely through his dialogue without letting us in on a word of the plot.  The editing of this trailer is so sharp that the small arbitrary uses of a narrator who’s overselling it seems gratuitous and obtrusive.

While it’s sometimes fun to play ‘could have been’ (William Freidkin as Hannibal?  I’d totally buy it, but...), I think what we ended up with a really understated and stylish production that’s sold just as stylishly in its trailer.  And if it wasn’t for this film, we wouldn’t have gotten the definitive Hannibal Lecter and Will Graham, for DeLaurentiis’ daughter was the executive producer of what is simultaneously the most beautiful and fucked up thing ever shown on network TV.

I miss Hannibal...

Trailer courtesy of Movie Clips Classic Trailers.

Raiders of The Lost Record Crate: NORMAN BATES by Landscape (1981)

My name is Norman Bates
I’m just a normal guy

Continuing my celebration of Alfred Hitchcock’s birthday....

Landscape was a synth-pop band who lasted ten years, from 1974 to 1984.  Their claim to fame, for some bizarre reason, was naming their songs after famous people--in addition to this little number, their other hits were ‘Einstein-A-Go-Go’ and ‘Sonja Henie.’  They produced three albums, followed by two singles produced by a stripped down line-up that dubbed themselves Landscape III.

I started going to Hunter College here in New York City in 1982, and one of the features of the student lounge was a television that was turned almost perpetually to MTV (except when the soap operas were on, but that’s another story).  My time away from the classrooms were spent on the couch in front of that television, basking in the still developing art of the music video.  Since most American bands were resistant to making videos (and some, according to the people behind the scenes, were outright disdainful of the idea), MTV had to frequently rely on content from Europe and Australia--which is why many new wave acts found themselves with a solid American fanbase.

I saw this video once.  I don’t even think I was paying attention to it.  But it stuck with me for years.  I sometimes doubted it existed.  It wasn’t until the late 90‘s when I entered the internet age that I discovered that this weird pastiche of Hitchcock set to a creepily repetitive synth score was real.  I would still like to know who the actress was playing the Janet Leigh role in the video, as she does a pretty decent job.

More on the dawning of the Age of The Music Video soon....

They Don’t Make Trailers Like That Anymore: FRENZY (1972)

Yesterday marked Alfred Hitchcock’s birthday.  Besides being a great director with many remarkable films under his belt, he’s noteworthy for being the only director to really become his own brand.  Others have tried--Spike Lee, Brian dePalma, Quentin Tarantino and Eli Fucking Roth come to mind, and all have had varying degrees of success.  But Hitchcock was able to sell his movies solely on his name and the persona he cultivated in the 50‘s.  He was the centerpiece of the marketing for the later entries in his career.

Which brings us to Frenzy, which in my mind is the last really good film of his career.  It was a bit of a back to basics film for him--shot in his native London with a cast mostly unknown to us Amurricans, it was a return to the ‘Wrong Man’ template that served him so well.  I have memories of seeing this at the Sunrise Drive-In on Long Island, even though I was eight at the time of its release.

The trailer for this film takes full advantage of the grimly comic ghoulishness the audience had learned to love from Hitchcock.  He’s front and center here--notice there’s not a single mention of anyone who’s in the film, and only fleeting glimpses of them in the footage.  It’s basically an extended stand-up routine keyed to the film, complete with a quick reference to one of the most celebrated episodes of Alfred Hitchcock Presents, ‘A Lamb To The Slaughter.’  Make no bones about it--Alfred Hitchcock is the star of Frenzy, and the actors are all incidental.

Trailer courtesy Movie Clips Classic Trailers.

Meanwhile, Over At Dread Media.... #572

This week, your Hosts With The Most Desmond Reddick and Darryl get down and dirty with what may very be the absolute weirdest western of all time, El Topo.   Alejandro Jodorowsky’s second full-length film is part of the foundations of Midnight Cinema, along with Eraserhead (made by Jodorowsky fan David Lynch), Rocky Horror, and Pink Flamingoes. Supposedly Ben Barenholtz decided to show this film at midnight at the Elgin Theater to give moviegoers ‘a sense of self-discovery.’

Here’s the trailer.  What’s obvious watching it is that the distributor didn’t know quite how to sell it.  The narrator swings from telling us what it isn’t and what it is seemingly at random while extremely brief shots from the film play out.  It seems intent on selling the film as an experience rather than a product, as the review at the end seem to shore up.

Oh, and apparently Des and his son Cade review Rings.  The trailer’s here, too.  Watch it if you want.  At least you won’t have to watch the movie afterwards, as I suspect they give away the whole movie in it...

Listen to Dread Media #572 here 

They Don’t Make Trailers Like That Anymore: DANGER: DIABOLIK! (1968)

This Mario Bava-directed, Dino DiLaurentiis-produced joint is one of the coolest movies to come out of the late 60‘s, and an essential film if you want to understand the two 60‘s trends of psychedelic cinema and spy culture.  Unfortunately, it’s gained an unjust reputation as one of the worst films of all time due to it being the subject of the last experiment on the original run of MST3K (you screwed the pooch on this one, guys) and I will fight anyone who tells me it is.  It’s truly a comic book movie before comic book movies became codified, and is an extremely satisfying experience.

I think you should watch it right now and come back here; I’m not sure, but I think there’s a version of it floating around on YouTube you could be grooving on now instead of hearing me bang on about it.  It’s okay; I’ll wait.

indistinct humming

Okay, you back?  Now check out this trailer, which starts with an explosion.  Okay, it’s an explosion of a miniature, but it still sets the stage for what is to come--some crazy visuals, some action and more Marisa Mel than any man could handle.  The editor of this trailer knew there were two things he needed to sell--the expressiveness of leading man John Phillip Law’s eyes and the hotness of Mel, who may very well be the sexiest thing ever to stride across the silver screen (and I’ll fight anyone over this opinion as well), and tragically died of throat cancer in 1992.  The narrator comes out selling, and doesn’t stop for a moment in this two minute pitch to convince you this is the Coolest Thing Ever.

Now this trailer commits a sin that was very common of trailers of its time and takes far too much of its second half from the end of the film.  But I’m almost willing to forgive it, as the final shot of the trailer, with Law winking at us, followed by his maniacal laughter, is an awfully compelling place to end.

Oh, and for a bonus, here’s Spike Jonez’ video for The Beastie Boy’s ‘Body Movin’.  Apparently, Spike and I share a similar taste in movies.  Just saying is all.

They Don’t Make Trailers Like That Anymore: PHENOMENA (1985)

In case you hadn’t noticed, I’m one of the rotating co-hosts on Desmond Reddick’s excellent horror culture podcast DREAD MEDIA. The latest episode, which you can hear here, features our discussion on Dario Argento in general and Phenomena in particular.  I recommend you listen to that conversation.

I’m a major Argento fan, but even I admit that he’s tough to get into initially.  I’m convinced Argento starts out with a series of images, then builds the film around them.  As such, the best of his work has this weird nightmare logic about it--you have to accept that little will make sense in Dario’s world, and the best way to experience it is to just let it wash over you.

I do not envy the editor who has to make a coherent trailer for Phenomena, Dario’s twisted attempt to make a fairy tale for giallo fans.  And yet, whoever did this one did a pretty good job of it.  I like how the trailer begins with a close up of Jennifer Connelly’s eyes opening, and the beginning sequence is taken from the first sleepwalking incident in the film.  It’s as if the editor is leaning into Argento’s style, telling us this is going to be a dream-like experience for us while gently ratcheting up the creep-factor with Donald Pleasance’s speech about the winds of ‘the Swiss Transylvania’ over flashes of Argento’s signature violence and gruesomeness leading into the first title card.  The trailer wisely puts the emphasis on Connelly, who had a striking charisma even back then.  Sadly, though, while we see Inga the monkey, we never see her with the razor blade.

They Don’t Make Trailers Like That Anymore: THE BLOB (1988)

30 years ago, this little gem was released on the world...and was pretty much ignored by it.  Directed by Chuck Russell, who just helmed what is arguably the best super-slasher sequel of all time, Nightmare on Elm Street III: The Dream Warriors, off a script by Russell and Frank Darabont, I actually consider it the superior version of the story.  Under Russell, the story sheds a lot of its fat (a subplot about a lost dog from the original is gratefully nowhere to be seen), utilizes a top notch cast that’s age-appropriate, and features some gooey practical effects...and an even gooier, absolutely ruthless body count.

Now when you’re trying to sell a remake of a beloved monster movie classic, you’ve got to walk a fine line.  You want to evoke memories of the original while also declaring yourself your own thing, and I think this trailer does that well.  If you’re familiar with the 1958 version (and its dumb-as-dirt sequel, Beware The Blob!), you’ll notice they took some shots and dialogue that mirrored it, particularly the scenes featuring ‘Can Man’ and a flash of our heroes in the diner’s freezer.  But those shots don’t dominate the trailer, and the flow seems to emphasize the chaos of the film itself.  It’s significant that one of the clearest lines of dialogue in the trailer is Kevin Dillon’s warning “I think you ticked it off.’ 

You’ll also notice we don’t see anything of the titular Blob save for the opening shots of the landed goo and a split second shot of tentacles.  We do see a lot more of the lovely Shawnee Smith, and with good reason--the girl gives good scare, and her screaming plays counterpoint to the androgynous scream that provides the background to the interstitial titles.  It hints without giving away much of anything, and hands us juuuust enough information to know what kind of thrill ride you’re getting into.

And check out that tagline, intoned perfectly by the narrator.  "Terror...has no shape."

Trailer courtesy of Sony Entertainment, posted by 19Venator92.

They Don’t Make Trailers Like That Anymore: BLACK CHRISTMAS (1974 and 2006)

I had a conversation on Twitter recently where the subject of ‘What was the first Slasher Film?’ came up.

Now my feeling has always been that what we consider the Slasher Film began with John Carpenter’s Halloween, as it’s the first place where the Template of The Slasher Film is in firm place, the pattern that everything that follows it hews to...but the truth is that no sub-genre appears fully formed, but slowly mutates over a length of time.  If you claim Psycho as that first rumblings of what the Slasher would become, there are a number of films that lead into Carpenter’s setting the guidelines for this new kind of horror film.  One of the biggest contributors to this evolution is this creepy little number from a man better known for another kind of Christmas story, Bob Clark.

I admit that I don’t think this trailer is perfect--I would have front-loaded part of the pseudo-English-Gentleman narration to emphasize the atmosphere and cut short the closing tracking shot--but that leisurely use of the credit sequence is still creepily effective.  As with a lot of trailers of this era, the cutting gives us little hints at what the film is about without spelling out the whole thing, and the emphasis on the telephone in the middle part creates a little bit of a misdirect without being out and out dishonest.

(And trust me, we’ll get to some dishonest trailers soon enough; ask me about The Beguiled sometimes...)

I’m including the trailer for the remake by the team of Glen Morgan and James Wong to show you how differently narration is used.  Whereas the narrator in the ‘74 trailer is used to punch up the mood, the narrator of the ‘06 trailer is there solely to spell out the plot of the movie.  The result, in my mind, is that the remake doesn’t seem as intriguing as the original based solely on these items.

Based on the movies themselves, Clark’s still holds up all these decades later, and the remake...

Look, I have a great deal of love for Morgan and Wong.  They’re the true people responsible for making The X-Files what it was in those early seasons.  They have produced another remake that is actually quite good in Willard (mainly because they recognized Crispin Glover was the film’s greatest special effect)...but I’d rather not talk about how disappointed I was in their efforts here.

74 version courtesy of Scream Factory.

They Don't Make Trailers Like That Anymore: GET CARTER (1971)

A word about what this actually is.

I love old movie trailers.  I like the ones we get now, don't get me wrong; some of those things still get me squidgy and clapping like a grade schooler.  But the trailers of my youth--I'm talking late 60's through the early 90's--were a grade above.  Film companies had departments devoted to cutting the trailers for their films, and some like Joe Dante went on to become directors themselves.  They were creative and they were fun in and of itself.  Some of them featured stuff that wasn't in the film and rare ones--like the one I'll show you soon advertising a horror double bill--were almost complete little comedy sketches in of themselves.  They just don't make them like that any more, and in this particular room of the Domicile, I'll share some of my favorites with you.  Maybe I'll also share some new trailers I think break the mold with you as well.

So onto our featured trailer for the evening....

You can keep your deNiros and your Pacinos--my nomination for the hardest of hardcore movie gangsters is the titular hitman played by Michael Caine' in this early 70's slice of noir crime.  Mike Hodge's film is just an unflinchingly grim revenge thriller set in the British town Newcastle-On-Tyne.  In this trailer, the narrator sells you on the idea of Caine as the ultimate bad-ass over examples of the havoc he's going to wreck on the locals in the movie.

(That's one of the things I miss about older trailers--there was an art and style to trailer narration that seems to have died with Don LaFontaine, but we can discuss that more fully another time).

I find it interesting that we only see female lead--if any of the female characters in this most testosterone-y of films can be called a lead--Britt Eklund at the very end as the trailer (as the narrator intones the excellent catch-line "Get Carter...before Carter gets you").  Eklund was a major get  at the time, and one would think they'd emphasize this more.  No such luck, as this trailer is interested in a different kind of fun and games.

I know this film was remade.  Fuck the Stallone version; it don't exist in my eyes.

Trailer courtesy of Warner Archives.