HALLOWEEN HORRORFEST 2020: The Raven (2012)

I think we have found the one that broke me this year.  This is awful.

And to think it took almost the entire Horrorfest for me to want to tap out.

I’m serious.  I started watching this yesterday evening and got to approximately the 47 minute mark (right after John Cusask’s Edgar Allan Poe’s fiancee was teased with being buried alive by his serial killer nemesis...don’t worry, we’ll get to it), and I just couldn’t be bothered anymore; I turned off the film and devoted my energies to other, more significant actions...like lying in bed with my cat, Tabitha Da Movie Cat.

This is purportedly the story of Poe’s last couple of days, which ‘remain a mystery.’  Poe has just proposed to his rich-familied-girlfriend (Alice Eve) when he’s sent for by Inspector Fields (Luke Evans).  It seems that Poe’s fiction has inspired a serial killer, and said serial killer is fashioning his murder after mayhem in Poe’s stories, and Fields wants him to consult so they can catch the culprit.  Of course, once Poe’s girlfriend is kidnapped by the killer, the maniac forces the writer into a game--Poe has to decipher clues left for him on future bodies and print his efforts to unravel this mystery or his girlfriend dies.

This film may be set in the 19th century, but it is so 2012.  That drab-ass color palette, the ridiculously super-genius serial killer with unlimited resources and a really obvious red herring to hide behind, a minor-but-significant character whose only purpose is to be ‘shockingly’ killed at the end of the second act, a female lead who’s decorative but plucky enough to try and defy the killer, the weird lingual anachronisms (the killer is referred to as a serial killer in the headlines, even though the phrase wasn’t coined until the 1970‘s), the CGI blood and bullets whizzing towards the camera, even that last sequence that was obviously meant to run after the initial closing credits sequence featuring an abstract CGI raven and a pop song by UNKLE--it’s all of the time of its production.  Even though it’s meant to be Baltimore, the setting is generic ‘old-timey,’ with Serbia and Hungary subbing for Maryland.  I was never less than annoyed by this film, and frequently was actively angry at it.

I suppose I should mention John Cusack’s ‘star turn’ as Poe, which is...not good.  Now don’t get me wrong, I am a big fan of Cusack, particularly because he is able to appeal to both male and female audiences and is, at least according to Danny Trejo, a legitmate bad-ass who doesn’t feel the need to present as a bad ass.  But it might not be that he comes off as miscast as the script by Ben Livingston and Hannah Shakespeare miscasts Poe as an action hero.  By the time this legitimate literary figure is riding a horse and engaging in a gun battle with the dark-garbed murderer, I was thoroughly checked out.  It’s a ludicrous portrayal, and it’s not over the top enough that I could laugh at it.

Oh, and the villain?  The villain sucks, a Jigsaw-manque who seems to have enough resources to build a freaking pendulum but is supposed to be a humble typesetter.

The worst thing about this is that the whole ‘serial killer inspired by Poe stories’ has been done several times, and every time these attempts have stunk on ice.  I point you to the low, low budget flick The Descendant, where the serial killer is played by Jeremy ‘Party of Five’ London and the heroine was a young Katherine ‘I Have A Stupid Face’ Heigl.  Yes, it’s just as bad, but it doesn’t pretend to be ‘lit’ry’ by setting it in period and has the good sense to be only ninety minutes--not this film’s bloated hour and fifty minutes!  Or I could point you to The Following, the ‘cult’ series that featured James Purefoy (who is Joe R. Lansdale’s Hap to me) as the killer and Kevin Bacon, wanting some of the television cash his wife got from The Closer, as the sad and pathetic hero....and that was created by Kevin Williamson, who mocked so much of the serial killer tropes he was using in that series in Scream.  Either one may be awful, but at least they’re honest about what they are....this, this is just pretentious emo doofus blockbuster shit.

I guess I’m particularly annoyed because this film was directed by James McTiegue, whose adaptation of V For Vendetta I loved.  I expected more from him, and got less...so, so, so much less.

Fuck this movie.  Just fuck it in whatever orafice would be the most painful for it.  It goes without saying that this is Not Recommended.

Our sponsor tomorrow is....well, Sean Foster bought me another Ko-Fi so I can watch a film from one of my true heroes, the great Larry Cohen.  I am so relieved that I will be watching Cohen’s second collaboration with Michael Moriarity, The Stuff...which, by the way, is the second film of this Horrorfest featuring Brooke Adams.

We are Going Into Overtime this Halloween Horrorfest, and not just because this fucking film screwed with me.  I’ll probably be doing this until November 2nd....and if you wish to make overtime longer, you have four options:

1) You can become a Domicile of Dread Patreon at any level.  Patreons always get a free slot, as well as advance access to podcasts and other goodies!

2) You can buy me a coffee at Ko-Fi.  Suggested donation is $3

3) You can make a donation to Black Lives Matter.  Suggested donation is $10.  Please forward your receipt to me as proof.

4) You can choose to make a donation to the charity chosen by a sponsor on his/her/their day. Like with the third possibility, please forward me proof of donation.