Raiders of The Lost Record Crate: 88 LINES ABOUT 44 WOMEN by The Nails (1984)

Jeanie had this nightclub walk that made grown men feel underage
Mariella, who had a son, said ‘I must go’ but finally stayed.

Today I was having lunch and turned on Spotify.  Much like Netflix, Hulu and other streaming services, Spotify has a ‘Suggested For You’ bar.  I usually ignore it.

But this was the day Spotify suggested I listen to The Nails.

I don’t know how much The Nails were known outside of the New York City area, but here in the early 80‘s they were ubiquitous.  They played the clubs in downtown Manhattan constantly--I caught them at The Continental, a small place on 13th Street around the corner from the famous Forbidden Planet genre bookstore--and had a decent following.  They only released two albums, most signficantly Mood Swings in 1984, on RCA before sinking into obscurity.

But they left their mark on the world with this song that literally is what it says in the title: a collection of couplets about various women singer Marc Campbell claims to have encountered.  It was a mainstay of the sole alternative rock station here in the city, WLIR out on Long Island, and apparently had enough of a life outside the tri-state area that its melody was used in a Mazda commercial years later.  That’s pretty amazing given all the references to genitalia, masturbation and sadomasochism--the only other song I can think of that became a hit that made similar references is Romeo Void’s ‘Never Say Never,’ which actually got some airplay on MTV at the same time that this was being played on the radio.

It’s probably the lack of a music video that inhibited this hypnotic little tribute to female awesomeness from being a true 80‘s mainstay.  Don’t get me wrong, I tried really hard to find an official video.  I guess that’s because the song was released independently by a label that couldn’t afford to make a video.  When RCA released Mood Swings, they decided not to highlight the newer, slicker version of ‘88 Lines,’ but a cover of the Hombres’ 1967 parody of Bob Dylan, ‘Let It All Hang Out,’ as its single.  I wonder if The Nails would be more famous if the suits at RCA decided otherwise.

The video below, by Youtube user Haikucoup, is the best of the fan videos I could find.  I almost went with the anime video, though; you can find it if you look.  I’ve also included a live performance of the song.

The Nails deserved better.  But at least we have this song indelibly etched on the cortex of pop culture.