HALLOWEEN HORRORFEST 2021/RATAPALOOZA NIGHT FIVE: Gnaw: Food Of The Gods II (1989)

RATAPALOOZA LIVES ON!  Today our sponsor is horror author and Brooklyn Bon Vivant Nicholas Kaufman!  His new book, The Hungry Earth was just released on October 5th, and you can get it on Amazon if you follow the length.  Nicholas is representing the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation.

To be fair, Nicholas originally wanted to sponsor yesterday's film Rats: Night of Terror, but Des got there literally minutes before him.  Now, given that last year Nicholas chose Food of The Gods, I suggested a very particular film as a replacement because I knew it was one of the very few film roles for my ultimate horror crush, Lisa Schrage.  He agreed, and I put Gnaw: Food of the Gods II on the schedule...so it's pretty much my fault I suffered today.

At Hamelin University (get it?  Get it?), Dr. Neil Hamilton is called to help his mentor Dr. Treager (Jackie Burroughs, the second time we've seen her this month) with her patient Bobby.  It seems Bobby suffers from some sort of growth disorder that's gone out of control once he was treated with a experimental hormone.  Dr. Neil heads back to the university with samples of Bobby's blood and gives the hormone to some tomatoes and a single rat--just in time for his girlfriend Alex's dumbass animal rights activist friends to break in and cause the normal sized rats that have been snacking on the giant tomatoes to escape.  They grow to enormous size and starts chewing up students...but since the dumbass dean of the college is throwing a big party for the university's new pool and the synchronized swimming championship he's hosting, things are going to get gross.

During the first Halloween Horrorfest, I wondered why Lisa Schrage's career was so brief.  In rewatching this direct-to-video epic--I saw it originally when it was first released--I now understand why.

It's because other than Mary Lou, Lisa Schrage was given nothing but 'stand and look pretty' roles.  Even though the script by Richard Bennett and E. Kim Brewster claims that Schrage's character Alex is a...college student/photojournalist?...who is passionate about animal rights, the fact is she's there solely for doughy lead actor Paul Coufus to rub up on.  I can see the light leaving her startlingly beautiful blue eyes as she says her handful of cliched lines, looking for the exit to escape this low-budget hell.  If all I could get were these kinds of roles, I'd be thinking about retiring early as well...but then, Gnaw: Food of the Gods II has no use for women, period, as the other female characters seem to be there to look purty and show their tits except for Burroughs.

I should probably also mention that the biggest science fiction angle in this film is how Coufus is made out to be irresistible to college co-eds.  One of the three topless scenes has Coufus dreaming he's making love to a woman and growing immeasurably larger--resulting in the first of two appearances by The Oversized Novelty Hand.

This is a terribly shabby production.  There are two boom mike shots (and I am usually pretty oblivious to boom mike shots, so if I notice them, it's really something) and a sustained shot where the special effects man's hands are clearly visible working the pumps that make the Deceitful Rival Scientist's dog cancer ooze with milky pus (he gets infected with a mixture of dog cancer and super-growth hormone; work with me here!) .  The acting is uniformly horrible, and made more so by the fact there's the sense that we're supposed to be taking this as a spoof of Jaws.  These characters are all broadly sketched and frequently come up with lines that I think we're supposed to laugh at, and even some of the names and references (like how the insufferably 'Look At Me, I's a Noo Yawker' police detective played by Michael Copeman is named Lt. Weizel) seem to indicate that somewhere, someone has their tongue firmly in cheek.  But the sheer awfulness of everything from the sets to the special effects to the molasses-slow pace prevents you from getting into a joke if there is one.  This was actively painful to sit through this time around.

The film does tick some of the boxes on my developing Rat Horror Movie Checklist.  This is the third film so far where Canada Pretends To Be America, although there's no evidence they want us to believe it's New York.  There are several Forced Perspective shots, and some Unconvincing Miniatures to deliver us with Big Rat Action.  There is a copious amount of Rat Puppets, although they're not Adorable.  Surprisingly, there is no Monologue About How Bad-Ass Rats are, and while there is a Distinctive Looking Rat, it is not the pack leader (oddly enough, the Rat Puppet representing said Distinctive Looking Rat is the only one that is Adorable).

This is the worst film of this Horrorfest at this point, not only because it's more boring than Rats: Night of Terror, but because the production is so.  Freakin'. Inept.  It wastes the talent of its female lead and actively annoyed me throughout.  There is no way I can possibly recommend this.

We're taking a couple of days off from Ratapalooza for now.  Tomorrow, the great Kelen Conley asks me to take a look at the film that won Jordan Peele an Oscar first time out, 2017's Get Out!  Kelen will be sponsoring the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society.

There are presently fourteen open slots for this year's festival, and if you'd like to be included, there are four ways to get your share of the spotlight:

1) You can become a Domicile of Dread Patreon at any level.  Patreons always get a free slot, as well as advance access to podcasts and other goodies!

2) You can buy me a coffee at Ko-Fi.  Suggested donation is $3

3) You can make a donation to Queens Community House Covid-19 Relief and Recovery Campaign.  Suggested donation is $10.  Please forward your receipt to me as proof.

4) You can choose to make a donation to the charity chosen by a sponsor on his/her/their day. Like with the third possibility, please forward me proof of donation.

It is not necessary to choose a rat-based horror film.  However, if you do, I will forward you a special Ratapalooza banner you can display on your website.